Obama Announces Plan for Credit Amnesty

At an unexpected White House press conference this morning, on the heels of the gate crashing scandal, President Obama announced a bold, new economic stimulus plan he called the Credit Amnesty Plan of 2010.  According to Mr. Obama:

“With 16 million Americans unemployed and no foreseeable recovery, I am advised to take bold action.  The top economic advisors have informed me the only viable option to stimulate pre-crash vigorous commerce is to relax the credit standards used by lenders today.”

Republican opponents of the proposal, dubbed the Credit Amnesty Act of 2010, “a fool’s folly,” stating, “relaxing lending standards is exactly how this country found itself in this financial disaster in the first place.”

Leading economists speculate that a complete reversal of consumer credit ratings would bring consumers back to pre-2008 spending habits, ie. purchasing homes, cars and 1080p televisions that they cannot afford, thereby returning the United States back to the capitalistic utopia offered by the Founding Fathers of the country.

The Credit Amnesty Plan, according to Obama,

“Would set the clock back to zero on January first.  Every citizen of the United States would be given a credit score of 800.  How they choose to use it is up to them.  But, I have the utmost of confidence that my fellow Americans will use their new found credit status wisely.”

Congress is expected to debate the proposed plan as soon as legal proceedings are concluded in the White House Staff’s unprecedented claim of executive privilege surrounding the so called guest list and party guest screening, security debacle.  Of course, Congress is out of session until February of 2010 and legal proceedings on the executive privilege claims are expected to last until 2020 thereby essentially renaming Mr. Obamba’s bold plan, the Credit Amnesty Plan of 2020.  Skeptics have claimed that the end of the world is scheduled for 2012 thereby rendering Mr. Obama’s plan entirely moot.