I just came off a three day acid fueled bender and somewhere, in an otherworldly kaleidoscope involving fat smoking Indonesian babies and dancing Care Bears receiving blow jobs, the universe opened wide, giant legs spread, revealing a sure-fire blueprint for going viral. You’re probably thinking the sink-hole between the giant legs contained any number of super-strains of STD’s and, that’s one way to go viral but the virus I’m talking about is the kind Simon Cowell shits between takes on the set of X-Factor, not
viral like H1N1 or the bird flu—viral like a retard on youtube sucking his own cock, Daniel Tosh style. No real talent is required for this type of viral success. Here’s the super top-secret formula straight from the Acid Gods themselves:
Be a complete douche bag. You can’t go viral being an ordinary douche, you’ve got to be a douchebag milkshake. Anyone that would let their fat Indonesian baby chain smoke AND film it is not an ordinary douche but the kind of complete douche that goes viral. I could give you a million examples here but you know what kind of douche you are which leads us to #2.
2. Show your Ass. Not literally (nobody really wants to see your fat, cottage cheese, hair covered ass), I’m saying, if you find yourself naked break dancing in a crowd, don’t be afraid to grab that guy’s cock and jerk it for all its worth—that’s viral shit! See #1 above, be a complete douchebag.
3. Become oblivious to cameras or just be stupid. Let’s face it, most people freeze up when they know they’re being filmed. The secret to overcoming this flaw in the human condition is retarded conditioning. Have someone follow you with a camera all the time and be ready to act entirely stupid—jump off that building! Do a back-flip when you weigh 400 pounds. Come on, just do it!
4. If at first you don’t succeed, try harder. Viral status is part luck but preparedness and persistence is ninety percent of luck. The first time you fuck your own ass might go unnoticed. Who really knows what sick fuck shit people will click on? You have to always push the envelope, be a douchebag, show your ass and be retarded. Now, go make your youtube video bitches.
Get some real sick fuck ideas for your viral video from Dirk McFergus at Highkublog.com
